Monday, January 5, 2015

"What Is Truth?"

Today my English teacher gave us an assignment. It's an assignment I've been thinking about all day long. He asked us to respond to the question "what is truth?" It's such a complex question and the answer to it can't really be right or wrong. The question can be answered in many ways. There is many aspects to the word truth and in order to answer the question you have to think of all aspects of the word. I decided to start with the most common thought that comes to mind when you hear the word truth. When people hear the word truth they normally think of lies. What have I not lied about today? Should I not lie to my teacher? When you hear truth you think of telling the truth. Being honest with someone and what comes along with that is trust. When you think of truth you think of trust. If you aren't truthful then people will never hold any trust with you.

On the flip side when I think of truth I think of innocence. I think of a young child who doesn't know any better but are the most honest and truthful people on the planet. Even when they get in trouble they may try to lie at first or deny it but in the end they always tell the truth. Children are the essence of innocence and they don't know right from wrong yet and are just learning about life. Therefore to them lying is like cursing they only see the truth in things and don't feel the need to hide them. Like when a child calls you ugly they don't see anything wrong with it because they feel they are just stating facts.

Truth is a hard thing to comprehend and in many situations we don't feel the need to be honest with people because either we are scared to hurt their feelings or maybe it isn't their truth to tell. We may know things about people and we might feel like it is our obligation to be honest about this person and tell the truth of who they really are but really it isn't ours to tell. People come out with the truth when they feel it is right and sometimes it's too late and it causes lots of problems. Sometimes people take their lies and truths to the grave never letting a soul know what was reality or fantasy. People are complicated creature and having the option between lies and truths is hell.

So to answer the question "what is truth?" I believe truth is lying. Truth is honesty and trust. Truth is innocence. Truth is a curse and a blessing. Truth is not for us to give or to take. Truth is complex and disturbing. Truth is as close to hell on earth as we can get because the truth hurts and the truth breaks hearts. Humans are humans and we make mistakes but having truths and lies is like caring around a loaded gun. You have to always be ready to be either shot down or shoot someone down.

Half Asleep & Terrified

It's 2am and I can't sleep. In a couple hours my alarm is going off and I am suppose to be up for school. School starts again today if that wasn't obvious. All I know is I'm not ready. Not like for the school aspect because truthfully I'll never be ready for that but for the hell and drama that awaits for me in my group of friends. I'm terrified for when I get to school and Crystal and Maia are there. I am beyond terrified for when one of them sees me or I have to confront one of them. I'm sitting here in the dark not knowing how to move on with my life. This dark hole I'm in is for shit and I can't seem to get out of this part. This weekend was amazing I felt truly happy when I was cleaning my room. I was doing better and then reality hit me. I couldn't run from my problems any longer since they were both going to be strolling around in my face for the rest of the semester. I just needed to figure out who my true friends were at the moment and how I was going to talk to and spend time with Jenna without Crystal being around. It wasn't going to be easy and all I know is I feel like going into a coma so I don't have to deal with this shit. Well three cheers to three years man or I guess the rest of this semester and Senior year. Yay.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

"New Year, New Me"

Everyone always says "new year, new me" but when you really think about it no one really changes. Everyone always does these new years resolutions and say they're going to do this or that and they're going to be nicer or find themselves. We all say we are going to do these things but we never do them and it's only because we expect it to just happen without any effort. We are too lazy for our own good and that's a bit terrifying. If you want to be more confident or be a better person or start doing good in school the only way to do it is to change your state of mind. You might find that idea funny but if you truly sit down and think about it we are the way we are because of a mind set. People asks how someone can exercise and have kids and keep a job. Yeah it gets stressful I'm sure but it's because they have a mind set. They believe they can do it so then they are actually able to. When we think and we let our thoughts into the world it's always going to come back. Therefore if we let negative energy out it will come back in more places then one and soon enough it will consume our life. But if we give out positive energy we get nothing but positive back in our life. It's a method beyond it's time and it's been around for years. Many people are too lazy or too negative to believe it or endure it into their lives. If you want change then change your state of mind.

It's as simple as that and that is why I've decided to change my state of mind. I've been so depressed for so long and I've been basically drowning it. I'm never not going o be depressed. That is something I just can't control but I can take control of some aspects in my life changing my state of mind and change the negative into positive. I'm not going to make a check list. No. I'm not going to make a resolution and set a date it needs to be done. Yes many people are lazy and don't want to work to change their state of mind but when they do it doesn't just take one week or one month. It takes a long time and a lot of effort. Therefore for me to change my state of mind and get out of the ocean I've been drowning myself in I must start somewhere. Today that somewhere is my room. It is the place I spend almost all my time and the place I feel safe. In order for me to get rid of the negative energy in my room I must clean it. I have been saying for months that I would clean my room but I never wanted to. I was starting to get comfortable in my ocean and I didn't want to leave it but sometimes we need to grow up and jump. Today is a big day for me even though many would find it ridiculous that cleaning my room is such a big deal. It shows I'm making an effort and sometimes a clean room is all we need for a fresh mind set. So wish me luck because I must leave you to start. REMEMBER IN ORDER TO CHANGE YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR MIND SET!