Tuesday, December 9, 2014

The Pressure

When I really think about it I don't have too much pressure but I've had so much weight o my shoulders for years that now when something new is added to them I break. Many wouldn't think I have a lot on my shoulders and lately I don't but after a while it all adds up. I have the pressure of my dad always wanting straight A's even thought I'm an A and B student. I have everyone questioning me where I'm going to college and how I plan on making it in life. I have to make sure I find a job because no one wants to help me anymore and my mom needs more money.

I have to care for everyone I know and be there for my mom and friends. I have to be the one to take care of everyone and listen to everyone's problems and make sure everyone else is happy. I have to be "more responsible" even though I practically take care of myself. I have to stop being lazy even though I'm busy 24/7. I have to make sure I'm always happy because if there's ever a moment I'm not someone yells at me and tells me I've changed. I have to attend church and be a good example even though I'm the one sitting in my shower cutting myself.

I'm just a pleaser type of person. if a loved one of mine is upset or doesn't like something I'll figure out a way for them to be happy or to change that something. But my life has gotten to a point where I can't do that anymore. I've known for a while that I can't please everyone but I still felt the need to. I mean these people are my family of course I'm going to do anything in my ability for them. But I've come to the point where I'm done. Enough is Enough, There comes a point where I can't take the pressure anymore. The pressure has pushed me down and broken my shoulders. It's gotten so bad it's even killed my spirit. But I'm pushing back. The weight of the world will not drown me today. If no one wants to save me from myself I'll just have to do it but I know some time soon there will come a time I won't even be able to save myself.

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